Thank you for all your prayers! This morning Summer’s fever broke.  Not sure when, but this morning she didn’t have a temp at the doctors.  Very good news.  They don’t know why her temp spiked, so they are watching her close, but for now she is doing much better.  She can’t see Tatum until Friday morning, but Summer’s mom and myself are feeling in during the feedings and family visits.  Thanks for everyone’s prayers.

I recently read a book called “Letter to A Christian Nation” by Sam Harris.  The book is written by a angry atheist.  It was a good read for me.  I’ve never really listened to the arguments of a anti-religious person before.  However, he was really calling Christians to prove with facts, figures, science, or whatever - God.  Not so much Christ, but any God for that matter.  I asked myself “How can I prove to people around me Christ exist?”  Science tells us that everything the average person knows is broken down to 1/7 facts and figures, but 6/7 experience.  I know God exist because I experience Him.

Last time Summer and I received a call from my mentor, John Battaglia.  His a great leader and friend.  He left a voicemail of encouragement and love.  But he also prayed for us.  I took my mobile phone, went to Summer’s bedside, knelt down and we followed in prayer with John over speakerphone.  It was a simple prayer on my voicemail, but when we listened to it together we experience God in that room.  I believe that is why Summer is feeling better today.  I can’t prove God exist except through experience…but that is good enough for me.  My wife was healed.

Today I returned to work, so I only got to see Tatum at 8am.  I went at my lunch to feed and see her but a new baby was being introduced to NICU so they asked us to leave.  So I saw my angel for 30secs.  Tonight after work Summer and I went to spend the evening with her.  When we arrived Summer was feeling warm.  We asked a nurse to take her temp and she had a temp of 101.8 degrees.  She called her doctor and will see her tomorrow morning first thing.  However, with a temp she can’t visit with Tatum.  They require her to wait until she is without a high grade temp for 24hrs.  That is horrible right now when your daughter is in NICU and all you want to do is see her.

I have so many questions for God.  I know His big enough to handle this and my questions, but I wonder if I’m big enough to ask and trust His answer?  Please pray for Summer and Tatum.  Our baby is doing great and eating really good.  But now Summer is suffering.  I feel helpless and need to feel friends.

I return to work tomorrow (Wednesday).  This will probably be the hardest three days at work I’ve ever had.  Harder than the week before you go on vacation.  My body will be at the office, but my mind at the hospital.  Maybe I can stay super busy not to think about any of this until I leave the office.  She comes home with us Sunday night or Monday morning.  That will be the best and scariest day.

Thanks for everyones prayers.

Last night we had a hard time feeding Tatum. She didn’t want to eat and actually throw up her lunch from 3:30pm. It was very hard seeing my daughter reject food. She also didn’t want to eat with Summer. We tried a bottle and she didn’t eat much of that either. After we left she throw up again. The doctors decided not to feed her at 4am because she couldn’t keep food down. This morning we spoke with her current doctor and he said she was just throw up what is left of her infection in her stomach. That made me feel better.

The doctor also discussed the lumbar puncture for the cerebrospinal fluid. It came back negative for anything harmful in her brain and spinal fluid. That made us feel good. Doctor wants to treat her alittle longer than first planned.  They were saying we could take her home Friday, June 1st, but they want to wait until Sunday, June 3rd to continue antibiotics.  But soon she will go home with us. Now if we can just see her eat we will be perfect

Thanks for everyone’s prayers and thoughts. We actually feel your presence with us.

Babies with GBS often show symptoms of infection within the first week of life, although some develop symptoms weeks or months later. Depending on the infection the symptoms might include trouble breathing or feeding, a high temperature, or unusual crankiness. Which are all symptoms we have seen in Tatum.

Yesterday the doctors ran blood tests and took cultures of blood. This morning the doctors took cerebrospinal fluid to look for bacteria. Doctors use a spinal needle to do a lumbar puncture for the cerebrospinal fluid. Infections caused by GBS are treated with antibiotics, as well as careful care and monitoring in the hospital. Tatum has been getting antibiotics and personal care since five hours after her birth.

Summer was told at lunch that Tatum can breastfeed after 3:30pm today. This is really big since Tatum hasn’t been feed since two hours after birth. We are very excited about this bonding moment.

We are not out of the woods yet, but should be able to take her home the afternoon of June 1st if all goes well. Summer and I will be “nesting” in the hospital through the Memorial Day weekend. Visitors are welcomed with Taco Bueno (jk!) for Summer in hand and a call prior to coming.

I had the opportunity to hold Tatum for hours while Summer recovered. When she was able to hold and feed Tatum - I grabbed this picture. Can you see Tatum’s head of hair in the picture with Summer? What a full head of hair…soon you will see more pictures.

Here is our beautiful little girl.

Brooklyn Tatum McCool

Last night after Tatum awoke from her very small nap after feeding with Summer she had some breathing problems.  It was enough of a issue that they admitted her to Neonatual ICU to watch her.  She had some problems getting enough oxygen and was feeling “ichy.”  This morning we meet with her doctor and they think she has a infection.  They don’t know what type of infection but are treating her with antibiotics which helps with most infections.  Basically, only time can fix our daughter (or healing).  Tatum will probably be in NICU for seven days.  So when we go home tomorrow we will leave our first child and daughter at the the hospital.  That is so hard.

I believe in Christ.  I believe in healing.  I know who heals the sick.  But its hard to do nothing for your daughter but stand by her bedside and hold her little hand. I asked God to give me her sickness, to save her the pain of fighting for breath…bad theology I know.  But probably my first parental sacrifice.  I actually felt like a father when I prayed those words.

Please keep my daughter Tatum McCool in your prayers and we will believe her healing is because of your request to God. Thanks for your friendship and prayers.

Is this normal?  Should I have a new passion every week?  Should I be scared of having a child?  For so long me and Summer were the couple who didn’t work in children’s ministry at church.  We were the only staff that wouldn’t touch family ministries for fear of getting the bug for a baby.  Than May ‘06 we had a change in Summer’s career and decided lets have a child.  I think we were both unsure we really wanted to have a baby, but in September there it was, the plus sign on a stick.  I couldn’t really speak, I just smiled.

Tomorrow when Tatum is born I’m convinced there will be no words - lots of smiles (maybe some tears?).  As for ministry…God has a plan.

We induce May 24th @ 6am.

I’m ready to start my journey with Tatum.  I know people warn me to enjoy this time before she comes, but I’m ready for a child.  I want to be awaken to her cry.  Catch her first smile, smell her sweet skin (and horrible poop) and feel her soft, new feet pressed against my face.  I’ve had nine months of thinking about it and I’m ready.

This will be in another post, but I want my daughter to grow-up in a different type of faith than my own.  I don’t want her to see a religion that pushes and/or fights its my into homes, politics, regions, world - but is invited.  I don’t want her to be ashamed to call herself a follower of Christ.  Maybe I’ll never introduce her to Christianity but to Jesus.

However, being “number one” today wasn’t what I wanted or expected.  The “number one” today disappointed me.  I am ready.  I have planned.  And over-planned (I doubt that surprises any of you).  I have expectations.  High expectations.  And I want things to happen when I say they happen.  B/c I’ve been given a deadline.  And my “number one” today doesn’t help me to feel as though I’m going to reach that deadline. 

Having a baby. Birthing a child.  Sending something the size of a watermelon out something the size of a lemon.  However you want to put it—being one centimeter dilated disappointed me today.    I was expecting more than the “number one.”  I thought for sure a two or a three.  I thought for sure I have been doing all that I have been told to do—I’ve had contractions; I’ve been doing the three “S’s”: shopping (walking), sex, and spicy foods.  And yes, you still somehow can have sex when you are 39 weeks pregnant.  But don’t imagine that.  Unless you want visualize a comical act.  The room is ready.  Things are washed.  Bags are packed and in the trunk.  Bathrooms are clean. Plane tickets are purchased.  Dog food is bagged and ready.  What else can I do to reach my deadline?  When I work towards deadlines, I normally meet them before the actual deadline.  I prioritize, I prepare, I make my lists, I delegate tasks, and I execute the plan.  The plan I prepared is finished.  It’s time to have a baby.  But Tatum’s plan is not on my plan obviously.  And my plan to be a new mother is unknown of when this will officially occur.  And that is what I am dealing with today.  I don’t work well with the unknown things in life.  I try to enjoy the small moments in life.  I try to enjoy the times this week that have not been planned—and I actually had moments to do nothing.   I am trying to make the most of my last moments as Summer McCool, the non-mom. 

However, with the anticipation of Summer McCool, the mother, and determining what that identity will even look like is all my mind can drift to.  Day in; Day out.  Is my water going to break…..now?  Will these contractions I’m having last consistently for two hours….?  Is my water going to break…..now?

I have been blessed to have a good pregnancy.  I have enjoyed it.  It’s been fun to see the changes in my body.  It’s beautiful to experience something inside of you; the beauty of creation.  I’ve loved the changes in my marriage (good ones) to prepare for a new chapter in my life.  And I’m ready to write that new chapter….I just can’t seem to figure out how to finish the one I’m in….I thought I had….but there is still a little more to write.  Patience. Relaxation. Peace. Waiitng. Virtues I’m not the best at; but today reminded me of how important that are.  Tatum, I’m ready for you.  Summer, the non-mom, we only have a few more moments together until we change, too; I think we are ready to write our new chapters. 

Below is something a friend made for us to cheer us up…it did!

hint: look into the sky…

Summer & I decided to have some 3D/4D Ultrasound pictures done.  It was an amazing experience for both of us.  We watched Tatum smile, rub her eye, suck her hand, and yawn.  It was the coolest experience.

The paint is dry and furinture is in place.  We are revealing to the world the color of Tatum’s new room - Green.  We spent alot of time go over colors and style.  We decide that green would fit our baby girl well.  After painting the room a few different colors we are happy with the look and feel of the room with two tones of green walls and black furniture.  We hope Tatum likes it as well.  I don’t think our pictures do it justice.  Special thanks for aunt Vida who donated her Saturday evening to throw some paint on our walls and a thanks to her husband (Zach) for donating his wife.

Brooklyn Tatum McCool

So how did we come to these names?  Summer and I love New York City.  We spent our honeymoon in March ‘04 in the beautiful, exciting city.  We also feel the name “Brooklyn” is distinctive and feminine.  We know our little girl will also be beautiful, exciting, distinctive, and feminine. Brooklyn however is more common than what we will call her rountinely - “Tatum.” Tatum is a family name from my side (Chris).  My g-g-g-g-grandmother’s name was Jane Tatum McCool (1811-1894).  People called her Tatum, although Tatum was her maiden name. The name means cheerful or full of spirit.  But we love the thrid meaning the most - she “brings JOY”.  We understand calling her by her middle name goes against tradition, but Summer and I both went by our middle name as children (Summer still does) so we consider it natural.

So come May Tatum will have a birth annoucement. 

We love our doctor.  Her name is Oliver and she is a mom of two twins and a newborn (well probably 8-9 months old now).  She has grown to be very friendly and outgoing.  She was kinda “all business” in the beginning but has really become someone we look forward to seeing and chatting with. 

Yesterday we had a another ultrasound.  Something the doctor requested and everything turned out fine.  We didn’t get to see the doctor personally in a room.  She did come by as Summer was getting blood taken, however.  Dr. Oliver was heading out to deliver a baby.  But she really made a point to say hello and check on Summer.  That meant alot to us.  We were treated by a new nurse Summer didn’t care for, I thought she was funny (I was the only one laughing).

So our baby girl is looking wonderful (as you can see in the pictures).  We had the chance to watch her blink her eyes and her little month sucking (maybe thumb).  She looked so real!  She was gorgeous and she really is a girl.  Probably the most pretty black and white action I’ve ever seen.  She weighs 2 pds and 14 oz.  She is perfect.  I’m not aloud to speak about Summer’s changes.