I sometimes wonder why we, or maybe it is just me, over think certain holidays – and analyze way too much.  Yesterday was Mother’s Day. A day I always tried to do something for my mom, rather it be a neat gift, a special card, or taking her to dinner – something to make her feel a little extra special for that day.  But now, I’m the Mother as well.  Which is strange to hear myself say & type – a mother of a 2 year old.

I recently celebrated my 31^st birthday & had fabulous celebrations that lasted for weeks. J  So, in my head, I thought, no need to overdo anything for Mother’s Day – I mean, I just finished my birthday parties!  And outside of celebrations – I’m a very lucky girl with a wonderful family & life – why the extra?  The guilt of spending more money & making me feel more special than I normally do on an everyday basis didn’t seem so important – until the actual commercialized day of Mother’s Day.I wake up to my daughter bringing me a card & a new throw blanket (wrong color…but still, he tried!) for my couch.  We had a wonderful discussion (church) with our friends at Zilker Park with perfect weather.  We rode the Zilker Train with Tatum & then let her play in the rocks & pool for a little bit.  But during her nap time, I get ancy. Cranky.  Why am I sitting on my couch watching boring Bi-Centennial Man while Chris is surfing the net?  This is not how I (now a mother!) should be spending her mother’s day afternoon. Where’s the sparks? The love? The extra special extras you get for this day?  And why am I spazzing out — for a commercialized holiday? What’s so wrong with relaxing…maybe even taking a nap?My quietness becomes evident to my husband — who realizes even though I said, ‘don’t worry about mother’s day, no big deal’ – knows I’m lying!  I cry for being cranky – he feels bad for not listening to the ‘read between the lines’ conversations – and I cry for making him feel bad!  Seriously. What’s the deal here?  Why on this day is it more important than the rest?  I take a moment, check my email, coach myself on not being so silly & girlie, and to realize Chris had kind of a game plan for us as a family – just didn’t communicate it, or paint it on the wall with finger paint, or write it in the sky with clouds….I just need to chill.  No need to waste my day on feeling sorry for myself.  So, FB doesn’t help because I begin seeing friends from all places having ‘special surprises’ and large gifts — HAHA…and I lose it again.  So, I tell Chris – I’m outta here – I need a break!  I return my throw blanket at Target to get the correct color.  I come home back to being normal Summer – and wanting Chris to stop feeling guilty because of my emotional outbursts.  He’s the perfect husband – and why on this DAY I’m feeling left out?  So silly.By 4:00 pm, we are happy go lucky, hopping in the truck for my favorite meal at Matt’s & then to “ice” (snow cones).  We end the evening cheering for my Joan Rivers on the Celebrity Apprentice!  I know now that no matter what I’ll say in the future, for all my birthdays & Mother’s Day….I’ll always want a little extra love & attention.  And I’m preeetttttyyy sure Chris is aware of that as well.  Ha!