It’s time to write a new post.  And I’m blank on what to say. Maybe because my day did not start as I had planned.  Chris and I both jumped out of bed at 7:20 am.  I am normally out the door by then.  Ooops.   So, I hate being late when I had specific things on my mind to accomplish before the rest of the office comes in the doors.  That threw me off pretty good.

Then I come to work, already a little frazzled, but wanted to spend some alone moments in my office before becoming social (aka get in a better mood).  I boot up my computer and noticed a few emails from random people in the office about random small things were answered, not by me, but by another individual in the office.  Long story short: I like my job. I struggle with feeling like I’m battling tasks with the former Lead Admin who was recently promoted.  She’s great and we get along.  However, I learn better when I can take ownership of a task and ask questions when needed….not 1) be told what to do instead of it being explained how and why and 2) being cc’ed on an email answering the question that I needed to answer for our employee.  It’s like I’m just this middle person–not the go to person.  This has happened for two weeks now, and again, I’m telling you, they are SMALL things, but enough to get under my skin and make me sit at my desk with feelings of insecurity, like I’m not capable or fast enough to respond appropriately.

Why do these little things bother me?  I’m not a naturally insecure person.  How can I approach her, calmly and collectively, without falling all over this awful insecurity that I’m not living up to the right standard?  I know learning 7 years worth of information will take a while, and I think that things are going really great.  I’ve been given good feedback.  But it’s little instances like this, responding when I should be responding, or taking over a situation before it’s directed to me to handle….aauugh.  I’m so frustrated today.  1 1/2 more hours.  Need to blow off steam. Maybe taking a while in 100 degree weather will help. Sorry, Tatum, you are going to have to sweat it out with me. 

Categories: Thoughts