I do. I try, at least. Some days I work harder than others; like yesterday for instance. Super bad day. Annoyed at everything and everyone around me. For what reason? None in particular. I just decided to quit talking about noon, and stayed pretty silent for the rest of the day. Now, if I had my own office, it wouldn’t matter as much….but I don’t. We are in one big office with our own desks, but totally no personal space. So, everyone got to experience my silence.

So, clearly I’m back at work. I left my beautiful child to continue working. Something I’m feel half and half about (but at this point in our lives, I don’t have a choice in the matter). I pride myself on working hard, advancing, and having contact with adults & knowing what’s going on in the workforce. I like my role that I play in my job, even thought I don’t necessarily agree with how our company is run many times. But, I think about Tatum every 5 minutes, wondering what she’s doing, wishing I was playing with her, and not our nanny or my husband (although I trust them both dearly). I miss her terribly. And everyday at 5:00 pm, I jet out the door, praying that traffic doesn’t take me over 45 minutes to pick up Tatum. I must be getting punished because it sometimes takes me an hour to get home, which leads to an anxiety attack or emotional breakdown in the car because 1) Austin traffic was backed up everywhere, I literally felt as though I was stuck and would never be able to return home, 2) Tatum needed to eat and there were no bottles ready for her, and 3) I just wanted to be home & hang out with my family! A night that myself, Chris, and Tatum got to actually be all together now that our schedules are crazy again with Chris working long hours.

But I got home, cried, and then I was ok.

Categories: Thoughts