I remember when I first started reading the book of Job for myself.  You remember when you stopped taking the word of the person in the pulpit and started asking/answering questions for yourself?  Job was always hard for me to understand.  I guess because I grew-up in the Bible Belt and we were taught “have enough faith and you will never suffer.”  So I couldn’t understand why God kept allowing one thing after another harm Job.  He was so strong and confident in God’s faithfulness.  He refused to allow anyone to tell him different.

Today I returned to work, so I only got to see Tatum at 8am.  I went at my lunch to feed and see her but a new baby was being introduced to NICU so they asked us to leave.  So I saw my angel for 30secs.  Tonight after work Summer and I went to spend the evening with her.  When we arrived Summer was feeling warm.  We asked a nurse to take her temp and she had a temp of 101.8 degrees.  She called her doctor and will see her tomorrow morning first thing.  However, with a temp she can’t visit with Tatum.  They require her to wait until she is without a high grade temp for 24hrs.  That is horrible right now when your daughter is in NICU and all you want to do is see her.

I have so many questions for God.  I know His big enough to handle this and my questions, but I wonder if I’m big enough to ask and trust His answer?  Please pray for Summer and Tatum.  Our baby is doing great and eating really good.  But now Summer is suffering.  I feel helpless and need to feel friends.

Categories: Thoughts, baby mccool, life
5 Comments »

So I’m a huge Celine Dion fan if you didn’t know that about me.  So, hopefully this wonderful song that I used to keep on repeat in my CD player will play in your heads…and don’t hate me for it.  You know you love it.

As Chris wrote (he always beats me to postings….he’s so good at that!), we are home sweet home…bitter sweet that is.  Our arrival home was expected to be with a tiny bundle of joy, but she is still recovering and gaining strength at Seton Central as we prepare ourselves for her REAL arrival home next Sunday or Monday.  This morning the hormones, emotions, frustrations, guilt, and disappointments hit me.  We were stuck in a tiny room with five people for almost 10 hours a day—-a little much for a recovering mom and dad who were trying to be as strong as they could.  I am thankful for family, but I’ll also tell you, I am thankful for a home that has space, peace and quiet, my Brodie, and a beautiful nursery that is awaiting it’s new companion.  I needed this afternoon.  Needed to be able to lay in my own bed and take a two hour nap (something I haven’t done since Tatum has been born), while my wonderful mother spent two hours at the grocery store stocking up on food, let us have space, and made us dinner without asking us to lift a finger (we didn’t even have to clean up).

Tomorrow we start our routine visits.  But only for a few days.  That’s what I keep telling myself.

Here’s some comic relief for you (or maybe for me):

Things Not So Fun After Birth:

1) Constipation.  What is this?  I need extra iron b/c I lost so much blood in the delivery, and now, well, let’s just say, COME ON.  Going to have to readjust my iron intake for a few days to catch up!

2) Back Spasms–am I alone in this?  They are scary; make you stop in your tracks; and also give me a fear of being paralyzed for my entire life.  Doc prescribed medicine, heating pad, and less stress.  HM, maybe the NICU stress has something to do with this….rest will help, yes?

3) Looking four-five months pregnant still.  My stomach has shrunk a LOT after the first few days.  However, not totally back to normal, and I know it will take a while to get there.  And girls, yes, I was marked.  I’ll admit it.  Two weeks before  delivery.  Marked with the pregnancy beast.  I thought I was free and clear.  Will these go away/fade?  I’m already starting treatment on them.  B/c the one thing I had going for me pre-pregnancy body was a flat stomach (unmarked).  Need that back as best as we can.

Fun Things After Birth:

1) Bigger boobs =  new bras of course.  I once had a friend that said “Pamela Anderson ain’t got nothing on me” after her first baby.  I’m about to start using that phrase.  Almost to the point that I think I look dis-porportioned.  But hey, if this is the only time in my life I’ll have them, then I’ll take it.

2) People doing things for you.  Mother cooking.  Mother washing dishes.  Husband & mother washing the breast pump “tools” after each pumping session (which is about 8 times a day since my little one isn’t around).  Not having to do everything (which is actually hard).  My mom told me today to sit down and rest and not worry about it.  Wow.  And I did it.  Nice feeling.

3) Unlimited snowcones.  But I think that was something I made priority in my life BEFORE birth.

4) Most importantly, love from a ba-zillion people all across America. :)  Thank you to everyone for your text messages, voicemails, emails, comments on our blogs.  You have no idea how much you mean to both Chris and I.  I tear up everytime I read comments everyday.  Love is a wonderful thing.

Must go—I’m a pumping machine.

Categories: Thoughts
6 Comments »

Summer and I decided to go home today.  We’ve been staying at the hospital overnight since Wednesday and those small rooms have got the best of us.  It is a very hard decision to leave while your child is recovering in NICU but after talking with the doctors and nurses we felt Tatum needed us to be at our best when she returns home.  She is so amazing and strong.  She has her mothers strength and big eyes.

I return to work tomorrow (Wednesday).  This will probably be the hardest three days at work I’ve ever had.  Harder than the week before you go on vacation.  My body will be at the office, but my mind at the hospital.  Maybe I can stay super busy not to think about any of this until I leave the office.  She comes home with us Sunday night or Monday morning.  That will be the best and scariest day.

Thanks for everyones prayers.

Categories: baby mccool
2 Comments »

Categories: baby mccool
5 Comments »

Last night we had a hard time feeding Tatum. She didn’t want to eat and actually throw up her lunch from 3:30pm. It was very hard seeing my daughter reject food. She also didn’t want to eat with Summer. We tried a bottle and she didn’t eat much of that either. After we left she throw up again. The doctors decided not to feed her at 4am because she couldn’t keep food down. This morning we spoke with her current doctor and he said she was just throw up what is left of her infection in her stomach. That made me feel better.

The doctor also discussed the lumbar puncture for the cerebrospinal fluid. It came back negative for anything harmful in her brain and spinal fluid. That made us feel good. Doctor wants to treat her alittle longer than first planned.  They were saying we could take her home Friday, June 1st, but they want to wait until Sunday, June 3rd to continue antibiotics.  But soon she will go home with us. Now if we can just see her eat we will be perfect

Thanks for everyone’s prayers and thoughts. We actually feel your presence with us.

Categories: baby mccool
6 Comments »

Categories: baby mccool
8 Comments »

This morning we got to hold Tatum! The doctor says she is doing so much better and they know what she has - the infection in her blood is called Group B Streptococcal Disease. It is a common type of bacterium that can cause a variety of infections in newborns. Tatum probably got the bacteria from Summer during birth. Summer was tested for this bacteria five weeks prior to delivery, but was negative. So Summer must have got the infection recently. Many pregnant women carry these bacteria where they can easily pass to the newborn if the mother hasn’t been treated with antibiotics.

Babies with GBS often show symptoms of infection within the first week of life, although some develop symptoms weeks or months later. Depending on the infection the symptoms might include trouble breathing or feeding, a high temperature, or unusual crankiness. Which are all symptoms we have seen in Tatum.

Yesterday the doctors ran blood tests and took cultures of blood. This morning the doctors took cerebrospinal fluid to look for bacteria. Doctors use a spinal needle to do a lumbar puncture for the cerebrospinal fluid. Infections caused by GBS are treated with antibiotics, as well as careful care and monitoring in the hospital. Tatum has been getting antibiotics and personal care since five hours after her birth.

Summer was told at lunch that Tatum can breastfeed after 3:30pm today. This is really big since Tatum hasn’t been feed since two hours after birth. We are very excited about this bonding moment.

We are not out of the woods yet, but should be able to take her home the afternoon of June 1st if all goes well. Summer and I will be “nesting” in the hospital through the Memorial Day weekend. Visitors are welcomed with Taco Bueno (jk!) for Summer in hand and a call prior to coming.

Categories: baby mccool
4 Comments »

I had the opportunity to hold Tatum for hours while Summer recovered. When she was able to hold and feed Tatum - I grabbed this picture. Can you see Tatum’s head of hair in the picture with Summer? What a full head of hair…soon you will see more pictures.

Categories: Thoughts, baby mccool
6 Comments »

Here is our beautiful little girl.

Brooklyn Tatum McCool

Categories: baby mccool
2 Comments »